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Aquarius (Jan 23 - Feb 22) - You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be
progressive. You lie a great deal. You make the same mistakes repeatedly because
you are stupid. Everyone thinks you are a fucking jerk.
Pisces (Feb 23 - Mar 22) - You are a pioneer type and think most people are
dickheads. You are quick to reprimand, impatient, and full of advice. You do
nothing but piss-off everyone you come in contact with. You are a prick.
Aries (Mar 23 - April 22) - You have a wild imagination and often think you are
being followed by the FBI or CIA. You have minor influence on your friends and
people resent you for flaunting your power. You lack confidence and are a
general dipshit.
Taurus (April 23 - May 22) - You are practical and persistent. You have a dogged
determination and work like hell. Most people think you are stubborn and
bullheaded. You are nothing but a goddamned communist.
Gemini (May 23 - June 22) - You are a quick and intelligent thinker. People like
you because you are bisexual. You are inclined to expect too much for too
little. This means you are a cheap bastard. Geminis are notorious for thriving
on incest.
Cancer (June 23 - July 22) - You are sympathetic and understanding of other
people's problems, which makes you a sucker. You are always putting things off.
That is why you will always be on welfare and won't be worth a shit. Everyone in
prison is a Cancer.
Leo (July 23 - Aug 22) - You consider yourself a born leader. Others think you
are an idiot. Most Leos are bullies. You are vain and cannot tolerate criticism.
Your arrogance is disgusting. Leo people are thieving motherfuckers and enjoy
masturbation more than sex.
Virgo (Aug 23 - Sept 22) - You are the logical type and hate disorder. Your
shit-picking attitude is sickening to your friends and co-workers. You are cold
and unemotional and often fall asleep while fucking. Virgos make good bus
drivers and pimps.
Libra (Sept 23 - Oct 22) - You are the artistic type and have a difficult time
dealing with reality. Chances for employment and monetary gain are nil. Most
Libra women are whores. All Libras die of venereal disease.
Scorpio (Oct 23 - Nov 22) - You are the worst of the lot. You are shrewd in
business and cannot be trusted. You shall achieve the pinnacle of success
because of your total lack of ethics. You are the perfect son-of-a-bitch. Most
Scorpios are murdered.
Sagittarius (Nov 23 - Dec 22) - You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You have a
reckless tendency to rely on your luck since you have no talent. You are a
worthless piece of shit.
Capricorn (Dec 23 - Jan 22) - You are conservative and afraid of taking risks.
You are basically chickenshit. There has never been a Capricorn of any
importance.
progressive. You lie a great deal. You make the same mistakes repeatedly because
you are stupid. Everyone thinks you are a fucking jerk.
Pisces (Feb 23 - Mar 22) - You are a pioneer type and think most people are
dickheads. You are quick to reprimand, impatient, and full of advice. You do
nothing but piss-off everyone you come in contact with. You are a prick.
Aries (Mar 23 - April 22) - You have a wild imagination and often think you are
being followed by the FBI or CIA. You have minor influence on your friends and
people resent you for flaunting your power. You lack confidence and are a
general dipshit.
Taurus (April 23 - May 22) - You are practical and persistent. You have a dogged
determination and work like hell. Most people think you are stubborn and
bullheaded. You are nothing but a goddamned communist.
Gemini (May 23 - June 22) - You are a quick and intelligent thinker. People like
you because you are bisexual. You are inclined to expect too much for too
little. This means you are a cheap bastard. Geminis are notorious for thriving
on incest.
Cancer (June 23 - July 22) - You are sympathetic and understanding of other
people's problems, which makes you a sucker. You are always putting things off.
That is why you will always be on welfare and won't be worth a shit. Everyone in
prison is a Cancer.
Leo (July 23 - Aug 22) - You consider yourself a born leader. Others think you
are an idiot. Most Leos are bullies. You are vain and cannot tolerate criticism.
Your arrogance is disgusting. Leo people are thieving motherfuckers and enjoy
masturbation more than sex.
Virgo (Aug 23 - Sept 22) - You are the logical type and hate disorder. Your
shit-picking attitude is sickening to your friends and co-workers. You are cold
and unemotional and often fall asleep while fucking. Virgos make good bus
drivers and pimps.
Libra (Sept 23 - Oct 22) - You are the artistic type and have a difficult time
dealing with reality. Chances for employment and monetary gain are nil. Most
Libra women are whores. All Libras die of venereal disease.
Scorpio (Oct 23 - Nov 22) - You are the worst of the lot. You are shrewd in
business and cannot be trusted. You shall achieve the pinnacle of success
because of your total lack of ethics. You are the perfect son-of-a-bitch. Most
Scorpios are murdered.
Sagittarius (Nov 23 - Dec 22) - You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You have a
reckless tendency to rely on your luck since you have no talent. You are a
worthless piece of shit.
Capricorn (Dec 23 - Jan 22) - You are conservative and afraid of taking risks.
You are basically chickenshit. There has never been a Capricorn of any
importance.
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